No, no, there’s no fire! But there are hundreds of plants that need watering!
I’m a houseplant maniac. I’m told I have about 600 (according to my son-in-law, who gave up his calculations at 400 plants when he’d only done the first floor). Maybe so: I know there are a lot of them. But it’s not my fault. As a horticultural columnist, it’s my duty to try everything, whether it’s indoor or outdoor plants. But if I try a new plant and fail to kill it, my collection necessarily grows. As a rule, I “rescue” more plants than I kill.
But here goes! I pride myself on being a laidback gardener… and taking care of 600 indoor plants does take some effort. It’s not like outdoors, where you can easily plant 600 annuals, give them a quick watering once or twice, then let Mother Nature take care of them afterwards. In the house, Mother Nature is me! Because potted plants depend on us for repotting, pruning, fertilizing and, above all, watering.
Caring for 600 Houseplants
However, where looking after 600 plants can be really demanding is when it comes to watering. Repotting is only once a year, and I usually do it on a beautiful spring day outside, so it’s not work, it’s a hobby. I prune very, very little, preferring to let the plants take their natural shape. That leaves watering and fertilizing… and the two go hand in hand, anyway.
Watering is like mowing the lawn. Not only is it no bother when you do it for the first time, it’s even a pleasure. However, with week after week of mowing and re-mowing, it’s no longer fun. Well, watering is even worse, because it’s done year-round, unlike lawn care.
If we calculate an average of one watering every five days (I’m sorry, but one watering a week isn’t enough for many plants!), that’s 73 waterings a year multiplied by 600 plants, multiplied by an average lifespan of 10 years (for the plant and for the exhausted gardener), which adds up to over 400,000 waterings. I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it.
Watering, a Complex Task…
For years, I did. I spent my time running again and again to the tap to fill the watering can. Because there’s a physical limit to how big a watering can you can handle. A watering can for 600 plants would, in my opinion, be about the size of an elephant. Granted, I’m big and strong, but still… Running left and right, I always tended to spill a little water. But the worst part was the time it took. Watering, i.e. pouring water on the soil, doesn’t take long, it’s running from the rooms to the tap and back, plus the time to fill the watering can, which is so time-consuming. Incidentally, I’ve never understood why house builders don’t put a tap in every room! It seems to me that this would be a minimum requirement for a truly functional home.
For me, watering had become a huge task. I had to devote at least an hour to it every five days. Almost as much as it takes to mow the lawn! Any more and I’d lose my reputation for idleness!
A Stroke of Genius!
It was while I was watering a flowerbed that I had a stroke of genius. When I was outside, I didn’t run to the tap to fill up a container and then come back to pour it over the garden, I dragged a hose with a nozzle with me. So I could water for as long as I wanted, and I only had to pull on the hose when it was time to go further. What if I applied this principle to my houseplants…?
I’ve been doing it ever since… and it’s so easy! With a 15-meter hose, permanently connected to the basement sink, I can reach the whole house, two floors high, from one end to the other (my plants are scattered everywhere). I set the water to lukewarm (the great advantage of an indoor faucet over an outdoor one where you have no control over temperature) and simply walk around. I’ve also installed an automatic fertilization system, purchased from an irrigation specialist. I fill the dilutor with concentrated fertilizer, then set off to water. Believe it or not, I can water 600 plants scattered across seven rooms in less than 10 minutes. I think I added 10 years to my life expectancy that day!
A Few Tips
A side note: if you want to imitate me – and I invite you to! – use a real garden hose. The thin little hoses sold for watering houseplants are worthless and will only last a few months if you use them at all.
What’s more, I’ve fitted my indoor hose with a long-handled hose nozzle. This means I can water hanging baskets as well as pots on the ground without having to stand on a bench or bend over.
I think my watering system is great, and I’d recommend it to any self-respecting laidback gardener, but since I’m always looking for ways to do even more with even less effort, another idea popped into my head. What if I installed a drip irrigation system with an automatic timer and a large container of diluted fertilizer? Then I could water without lifting a finger!
Larry Hodgson published thousands of articles and 65 books over the course of his career, in both French and English. His son, Mathieu, has made it his mission to make his father’s writings accessible to the public. This text was originally published in Fleurs, plantes et jardins in February 2001.
This article is very well written. I had the impression that I had approximately one hundred houseplants. Never in my life have I had too many.
Oh my! I sort of know how it is, although I never grew so many houseplants, and would not have watered them with a hose. I only grew them as houseplants because they were from Southern California, where winters are milder. Even without frost, some are annoyed by the ‘relatively’ cooler weather here. Nowadays, I grow only a few that prefer to be inside, and with so much vegetation outside, I do not really want more inside.
As always, love Larry’s wit and his wisdom.
I have 160-odd indoor potted plants and I agree that the back ‘n forth of filling up the watering can and lugging it over to the various pots gets ever so tiring and frustrating.
Larry’s solution is inspired!
This is a great article. I thought I had as lot of houseplants at about 100. I can never have too many.